Since technically I am a member of the media I’m fairly sure I’m not allowed to comment formally on what’s going with the ASO. But I thought I would offer up a totally viable solution:
It looks like we need some scab musicians up in here.
Listen, if you follow the NFL, you know that the replacement officials they’ve brought in for their own lockout situation are doing really awesome. Everything is working out great for them! Because honestly, how hard is it to be a referee at the highest level of play in a multi-billion dollar industry? You make big bucks and only work part time and all you have to do is yell at a throng of lumbering, unpredictable mountains of muscle while millions of people watch you on their TV. That is one sweet gig.
In the same way, our musicians have a pretty sweet gig too! How hard could it be, sawing some strings or blowing into one of those shiny things for an hour or so? How many years and how many hours of practice, really, does it take to get good at banging a drum or two? Heck, the hardest part is probably wearing a tux and figuring what to do with your hands when you’re not playing! Personally, I picked up a violin once in grade school and my sight reading is ok, so I’m totally qualified! Let’s do this! I will work for free, since I have no family to look after, no medical conditions that could make health coverage a problem, and no professional reputation to protect. These musicians are going to be a cinch to replace.
So basically, if the NFL can so easily (and so successfully!) substitute their team of officials, it should be easy to replace our musicians if they are not cooperating in the way some folks want them to. After all, if there’s one thing the NFL lockout has taught us, it’s that talent, experience, proficiency, and passion are totally easy assets to come by in any field.
Scab musicians, unite! We will start our own great symphony! Yeah it will mostly be kazoos, recorders and a lot of pianos, but if it can work for the NFL, it can work for us!
- AW
The Altos around here are awfully mouthy ...
ReplyDeleteOMG, I was just about to post on the same topic!
ReplyDeleteTotally viable, totally!
ReplyDeleteGirl you are awesome to come up with that. What's NFL, BTW?
:)
But, like, wouldn't we need at least one music school grad to re-do the orchestration on the Walton? How cool would that be! 'THEY DRANK FROM THE SACRED VESSELS" and then the kazoos enter.
We have a new tenor in the group who is a bona fide composer--how about it G.H.?
DeleteI think it will give the 'throw down' part a completely new meaning!
ReplyDeleteI'll gladly drink from the sacred vessels...I mean sing about the sacred vessels, whether they be wives or concubines. I have a beautiful student cello and proficiently play the open strings ;-)
ReplyDelete